Return on Art Calculator

In the rarefied world of fine art, where passion and investment intertwine like the brushstrokes of a Pollock, one finds oneself constantly navigating the delicate balance between aesthetic rapture and fiscal prudence. It is in this spirit that I present to you, dear reader, a most ingenious digital contrivance: the MOMAA Return on Art Calculator.

This sleek apparatus, a veritable abacus for the modern age, arrives not a moment too soon. In an era where Basquiats command prices that would make a Medici blush, and where even the most discerning collector might find themselves adrift in a sea of zeroes, our little calculator stands as a beacon of clarity.

Imagine, if you will, the scene: You’re ensconced in your study, surrounded by the fruits of your collecting labors. That early Hockney catches the light just so, while your prized Koons gleams with its characteristic, some might say ostentatious, sheen. But as you sip your perfectly chilled Puligny-Montrachet, a question nags: Has your passion for art also proved a prudent investment?

Enter our Return on Art Calculator, as svelte and user-friendly as an iPhone, yet as potent as a vintage Rothschild. With a few taps of your manicured fingers, you can transmute the arcane alchemy of the art market into cold, hard figures. Initial appraisal, current value, years held – all coalesce into that most sought-after of numbers: the annualized return.

But this is no mere number-cruncher. Oh no, dear friends. This is a portal into the very psyche of the art world. The MOMAA collection dropdown is a particular stroke of genius, allowing one to contextualise one’s own acquisitions against the crème de la crème of modern American art. It’s like having a seasoned curator whispering sage advice in your ear, albeit one with a penchant for percentages.

For those of us who view our collections as not just a feast for the eyes but also a hedge against the vicissitudes of more mundane investments, the advanced options are a godsend. Insurance costs, storage fees – those necessary evils that so often lurk in the shadows of our ledgers – are brought into the light, providing a holistic view of one’s art portfolio that would make even the most hardened Swiss banker nod in approval.

And let us not forget the pièce de résistance: the PDF report generation. With the touch of a button, one can produce a document so replete with data, so rich in insight, that it could easily be mistaken for a Sotheby’s catalogue. One can almost smell the freshly printed pages, redolent with the promise of future acquisitions and, dare I say, a touch of smug satisfaction.

My fellow aesthetes and investors, I implore you to embrace this digital marvel. It is more than a mere calculator; it is a compass for navigating the often turbulent waters of the art market. Use it wisely, use it often, and may your returns be as impressive as a Warhol and as stable as a Rembrandt.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a sudden urge to reassess my collection. Ta-ta!